Eat Like A Child, I Dare You

Do 80 percent of the children today have ADD or am I just getting old? I used to think I had so much energy until I started working with young children. They win.

Once again I am amazed how it can take up to an hour at lunch time to eat a mandarin, a corn dog and a yogurt. Probably has something to do with the fact that most of that time the child is doing everything but eating. Sadly the average child rarely eats even half of the lunch their parent’s took the time to prepare. Besides the food items becoming play toys or talking creatures, they must stand up every time they have a minuscule thought. I seriously wonder is this because they think they will be heard more easily or is it because they feel too short to be heard or both.

I am actually envious of this talent to be near food for such a lengthy time with no temptation to devour it. If I could find a way to somehow muster this ability to use my imagination in a way to just play with my food as if they were animate objects never eating much, I could really lose a lot of weight. Great diet plan. I'm on it.

The paranoia happened again today:

No broken crackers, ever. Every teacher must realize that when serving snack, if a chocolate teddy bear graham cracker is missing any body part even if only half of an arm, the child will notice and immediately assume that some other child sneaked into the locked snack cabinet when no one was looking and intentionally bit the arm off on purpose out of spite. Understand the concept that it broke in the box, as many crackers do, is way too logical of an explanation for a four year old.

Either it was the full moon or merely that it was one of the first cloudy rainy days but it was one of those days where the mantra ‘walking feet,’ was said so often that I began saying it when no child was even running.

Question of the day:

I announced today that tomorrow will be our Pajama Party! Naturally meaning that all the children will get to wear their comfy clothes and slippers tomorrow and carry around their teddy bears. We may even serve hot cocoa. Boom, you got a party. Why is it that there is nothing more exciting to a child than the word, party? You do not have to even do anything to make a party in a child’s eyes. I could tell the children that on Friday we are going to have a book party and ask everyone to bring their favorite book. And that alone would get them to react in the same way as if I had just announced that we were having a bounce house with Santa Claus, his reindeer and Frosty the Snowman. This is usually when I hear ‘I love you Miss Lori.’

It is so easy to light up a typical child’s eyes. Their extreme almost manic enthusiasm is certainly what makes teaching at this level worth while.

Having a party day redeems me in their eyes, as long as I remember to never serve a teddy bear graham with a decapitated body part.

Back From Christmas Break, Already?

Prior to the preschool closing for one week, I had a new discovery. If you give a preschool child no limits on the amount of candy cookie decorating topping options they can use, they will undoubtedly prove that they have none. I am almost certain that each cookie weighed at least five pounds, three pounds were frosting. Can anyone say hypertension?

Now in the two days back since the Christmas break, I have one question. Was it Bill Cosby who said that kids have "brain damage?"

Being away from children, having the school closed for that one week, I had forgotten what a high pitch scream a certain child had. I remember now.

Another child whose speech is delayed and therefore is more physical than other children his age, decided the best way to welcome me back was with a nice sharp punch to the shoulder and then a lean in hug; nothing like passive aggressive love.

I learned a few new things today:

One- it is more entertaining to paint the bathroom mirror with a toothbrush dripping with toothpaste than it is to brush your teeth.

Two- another child continually poking you in the back for longer than the twenty minutes of circle time will even provoke the most pacifist child to poke back. Do unto others is a natural instinct at this level.

Three- a chicken nugget if referred to as a dog bone and if shaken while chasing other children around a table can create quite a riot.

One week is a long time from a child’s perspective. I have been referred to as Mommy and Grandma more than once by more than three separate children.

Favorite toy of the day was a Lightning McQueen diesel truck a child brought to share. Or so his mom and I thought. Much like not tattling, sharing at the preschool level is an ongoing lesson that must be re taught every three minutes. This truck ended up being used like a ball and children tested each other to see who could get it closest to landing in the neighbors tree. Luckily no one won. The truck got a time out.

Thought for the day:

Preschool toys that are actually used for their intended use is rare.

In the ten years that my preschool has been in operation only once has a child pulled the emergency security alarm which creates an unbearably loud sound that can be heard in the town thirty minutes away. Lucky for me I can now say, twice. And I no longer can hear out of my left ear. Welcome back Miss Lori.

Another day in a child’s world.