It's Not Fair!

Funniest thing said today:

This three year old while literally holding the side of her head with her right hand, her one eye looking wide and puzzled, the other droopy, aimlessly walked around, moaning, “Ohhhhh…I have a headache,” and then with her hands out to the side-palms up, she shook her head and continued, “…and, I don’t know where it’s coming from.”

No doubt this was an impeccably perfectly exact imitation of her mother.

Second Funniest thing said today:

A child while watching me retrieve crackers from the snack food cabinet, noticed the bin of peanuts next to the tub of pretzels, jerked his body upward as if with sudden realization, and said “Oh, is that where the peanuts live?” Cracking up, I laughed loudly and then responded with, “Why of course. They reside in their two story condo right next door to the pretzel’s mansion.” 

It is so funny how everything in a child’s world is a living form and magic is accepted and normal. That’s why they are never surprised when we tell them that the Easter bunny talks, leprechauns can disappear through tiny cracks in the wall, the tooth fairy is very real and has an unlimited amount of cash, Santa Claus can visit billions of homes in less than twelve hours and we have eyes in the back of our heads.

Anything is possible in a child’s world.

Important fact:

The following is one of the reasons why parent’s go insane.

If one child gets two small otter popsicles of equal size and another child gets one totally different and much larger tri-colored popsicle, the child with the single, yet way more massive in size popsicle will still feel ripped off and complain that it isn’t fair that they only got one popsicle, rather than two. It’s not about the actual amount served with children, but rather how it appears in their eyes. A similar reaction of unfairness will result, if the same amount of fish crackers, is given to one child served in one large cup and another child is given the very same amount in two small cups. They cannot yet comprehend that the same amount exists and was fairly distributed. So don’t waste your time at this level, teacher’s and parent’s. Be sure you present and serve the same product in the same exact packaging. Trust me it’s not worth the headache or the time trying to explain or demonstrate how they are each receiving the same amount. In their little brains, at this level this is a concept way too obscure to grasp.

Now that being said, to the mom who brought to the school to share with the kids today, in a large box, a variety of different types and sizes of donuts; some sprinkled, some not, some chocolate, some butterscotch, some plain, “Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!”

What You Think About, You Bring About

Although in the early morning hours the day was off to a rocky start it ended up to be one of the better ones. 

The center always opens at 7:00am, and normally I do not have any children arrive until 7:30am. Generally I will only have three to four children arriving up until 8:45am, but not this morning. Just like I predicted almost every child had recovered from their illness, and I ended up having six children already by 7:20am, which is almost unheard of. Just like in the book “The Secret,” 'What you think about you bring about.’ Now isn’t that the truth.

I felt a little guilty about feeling relieved that the little destroyer was the only child still out sick and didn’t show up, but it was certainly a blessing.

Although it was a very stormy, cloudy, wet, rainy day, it went surprisingly smooth. I think it’s because I did a lot more listening than talking and the children seemed to like that, naturally.

My advice to all parent’s out there - Just Listen;

A had this friend I admired because he seemed to always have others going to him for advice. Everyone who talked to this guy felt better about themselves after talking to him. He was not only naturally skilled at human relations and capable of being nonjudgmental, but he could talk to all different types of people from all walks of life. When I asked him for advice about dealing with a personal issue, he said to me, “The best thing you can do for another is to just listen.”

After thinking about it I realized, he really didn’t do a whole lot of talking. Listening is exactly what he did best and it is the reason others would tell him their most intimate thoughts. Most people want a sounding board, simply a place to vent their thoughts uncensored; someone they feel safe to talk to. It is a way of learning about oneself. Providing a safe arena where another doesn’t feel threatened is an extremely loving thing to do. We don’t have to necessarily solve their problem or ask questions, a simple response of “Awe,” or “I know,” or “I understand,” can be so healing. The same goes with children, the best thing you can do for a young child is to just listen.

Funniest story a parent told me today;

When hugging her tiny three year old girl, this mom squeezed her so tightly that the little child started giggling and said, “You’re squeezing me so tight, mommy” and in response the mother said “I’m going to squeeze you until you pop!” at which time the little girl’s face turned serious and frightened and yelled loudly in honest fear “Nooooooo!”

Very funny. And of course it proves once again that young children have a difficult time distinguishing fantasy from reality.

Funniest ongoing thing that occurs several times a day;

I have this little Italian boy who cannot for the life of him say my name correctly; he seems he has no choice but to add an extra syllable in between Miss and Lori. I am convinced it has something to do with his Italian gene that he has no control over. To give you the best visual image, picture an intense, dark haired smaller than average four year old boy with both hands raised and out to the sides, spaghetti dripping from his mouth. Sometimes in his Italian accent he yells my name across the room, other times he is raising his hand as my name rolls off his tongue. Here's what is so funny to me, instead of calling me Miss Lori, he calls me “Miss…uh…Lori.” I crack up every time. I had attempted various times to assist him in breaking this apparent habit, and failed. I literally sat down at his level, faced him repeating the correct way to pronounce my name and no matter how many times I repeated the correct way he would concentrate and yet still add the sound uh. Now, I just enjoy a good laugh each time. 

It really is the cutest…uh thing…uh you ever heard…uh.

Tacky Glue Soap Box;

Alright you teachers out there, you have to admit that tacky glue is the greatest invention ever– it seriously is the miracle glue. It glues practically any material together, it’s like a safe easy- to- use welding product; I use it for everything from art activities to repairing my cars cracked radiator, well okay that last part is obviously a bit of an embellishment but it really is a remarkable product and you’ve got to love that it dries clear.

Here's a toast to charming intense Italian little boys and the art of listening.

Yay! It's Friday.

Puppets-A Child's Aphrodisiac

This week a couple of children were out on vacation and a few others were merely out sick- no surprise, it is head cold season. Wait a minute, in a child’s world, when isn’t it head cold season? Hate to be so vivid, but kids are constant balls of congestion and phlegm. Luckily this week I had half the normal amount of phlegm ridden students; between six and eight children arrived each day, which made the day productive and fun - I had forgotten that I actually like to teach. I felt like I did when I first started teaching children at age fifteen. I was euphoric and high on the experience of making a difference and enjoying making those special connections with those cute little tiny tots.  It was rewarding.

Rewarding, partly because the little destroyer was one of the ill children and I must admit that his absence made a huge difference to the entire dynamic of the class; there were less injuries (face slaps) less tantrums (from being face slapped) and less time outs (from slapping others) Are you sort of getting that the little destroyer’s ammunition is to face slap? It is what he is known for.

And with him not at school, I didn’t once have to reach for a Tums antacid. I was surprisingly able to teach complete lessons without being consistently interrupted, and while reading a story I was able to even hear the sound of my own voice - a shocking new experience for me. So shocking that my eyes almost welled up with tears from the excitement I felt, at finally being heard, even if not quite understood. 

I was able to even use puppetry; a child's aphrodisiac, without my hand being personally demolished. Typically the kids would charge towards me behaving overly ecstatic and attempt to squeeze-hug my hand to death. After all, puppets are real, you know. 

Have you ever witnessed a child’s reaction to a puppet? They totally see it as a separate entity to the hand attached to the body. It is quite remarkable how possessed they become watching a puppet talk. They look at the puppet with the same wide eyed expression as if seeing a six week old puppy. They want to pet it and squeeze it. And when it talks or tries to kiss, tickle or chase them, they become giddy, even intensely focused on the puppets reaction to everything they do, as if it is very real. This is why there is no denying that children are more emotionally and personally affected by television than adults.  It has been documented that at the preschool age it is often difficult for them to distinguish between reality and fantasy. If something inanimate on television seems very real, than why wouldn't a puppet?

The blessing with having such a small group so far this week, is that it is just naturally more manageable; they were able to stay calm and actually take turns squeeze hugging the life out of my right hand cow puppet. My poor hand has been through so much, I am sure if it could speak it would whine and probably punch me in the face; to express its anger from the major physical and emotional trauma I've put it through.

I was amazed that the entire class was able to sit still and listen to Mister Cow sing, tell jokes and be silly without getting out of control. They all controlled their instinct to engage in rough play with my puppet and the experience was way more pleasurable than normal, and I believe I can speak for Mister hand as well.

I am so grateful for this week up through today, as I know it’s important to appreciate the little blessings life brings, especially when they are unexpected. There is still one more day to go in the week, and I fear it is almost guaranteed that the little destroyer will return as well as the other children who have been out, but instead of preparing for the worse, I plan to remain focused on the positive days prior and perhaps take a moment to kneel beside my bed and pray for a miracle to occur.  Can't hurt, right? 

Until Then.

For now, it’s off to get the best nights sleep I have had in a very long time.

Football Star Quarterback - Miss Lori

Once again, it was one of those days where I was so ‘in the moment,’ that I had forgotten to press the on switch  to the coffee maker. My saying, kids are my coffee, was a blaring understatement today. However; nearing the end of the day I sure needed a cup of coffee. I was totally wiped out, partly due to the rambunctious nature of the kids doped up on valentine cupcakes, hot heart candies, marshmallow hearts and every other candy ever invented shaped like a heart, but also in part because it was our Valentine’s Day party and party days are always more wild and fun, requiring more energy from me than usual. Yet, I somehow oddly enough, manage to complete the regular lessons in addition to having party games, movement activities and contests, thereby creating a whole lot of intensity, busyness and fast moving little bodies flying around the room. Not sure why I do this, probably the perfectionist in me, but it might also be some deranged masochistic part of my psyche that I am in total denial about.

The day was exhausting yet at the same time rewarding. No child got slapped or scratched by another today and no child had a full blown tantrum. I feel like a football quarterback athlete who just won the Super Bowl. I seriously was on top of my game. At least I felt I was, since I was able to consistently monitor all the children to prevent anyone from having a catastrophic emotional breakdown or worse a flailing screaming tantrum. My eyes were always on the action, no matter who I was talking to or what child I was helping. My eyes darted about, my feet were firmly planted, my hands on my waist as I stood in a constant ready-to-act  any minute stance.

The biggest success was my ability to prevent the little destroyer, who is always, let’s say into everything, in getting away with his master plan to destroy me. Not today buddy - not on my watch. 

When I was talking to a parent and helping a child put their valentine’s into the correct boxes, the little destroyer saw I was momentarily unavailable and distracted,  just the motivation he needed to make his move, and he stood on the chairs, at which time I saw him out of the corner of my eye, took two giant steps, leaped over a chair, stretched over another chair and caught him in my arms. Literally within seconds I had him on the ground like a formal touchdown. 

I wanted to scream a cheer and in my head I did; “My back hurts, my skirts too tight… my wrists shake from left to right…uh huh, I got him!!! Gooooo Team!”  

There’s more, I also caught him minutes before he could reach for my business phone and stopped him from dialing, with a rapid three – step - twirl and slide, I was able to land the phone on the receiver before he could even consider dialing some distant town far away in Ireland somewhere.  

I am also very proud to say I was able to stop him mid groove, from attempting to steal a handful of other children’s valentine candies, by facing him, sitting in a chair that he was about to move out of his way, in order to sneak his stash to his own personal valentine box. Oh, was I ever onto him. This was a very strategic interception that blocked him instantly, stopping him in his tracks. His adorable shocked "Oh no, I am caught," face was priceless. I walked him around the table while he hesitantly yet carefully put back every stolen chocolate, sweetheart candy and heart lollipop that he so deviously stole. 

I feel I was a good defensive player today and I feel empowered that I was able to block the little kleptomaniac’s plan before it escalated into a full fledged chocolate war between the kids. Surprisingly every child actually ended up with the correct box and correct valentine cards and candy that were given to them. Now that’s a preschool party success story.  

Hooray!

To Tattoo Or Not To Tattoo

‘Yes!’

‘No.’

‘Yes!’

‘No.’

Isn’t this the month for love and frolic and fawning over each others positive character traits with compliments and hugs? The month for tender moments, sweet chocolate kisses and red roses wrapped with pink ribbons. Like the song from the movie The Sound of Music;

‘Brown paper packages tied up with string, these are a few of my favorite things,’

I know, that’s what I’m thinking.

Wrong.

Well, all I can surmise is that it was a full moon this past weekend and it’s February? Could that be the only reason why the children this week have been psychotic, I mean…chaotic? I decided to leave in the Freudian typo rather than back space and just write chaotic, because in retrospect the energy of this entire week has been a little bit of both. I have witnessed physical displays of emotional trauma over something as simple as a child being told by another child "No."

I mean, seriously a reaction that amounted to a full body wailing, literal drop to the ground, arm flailing scream fest. Yes, it was just lovely to watch. What if adults displayed their emotions this way? Sometimes we want to, don’t we? What a release, I imagine. Possibly why children seem so drained and exhausted after wards-their whole body experiences an intense adrenaline rush. 

And get this? The reaction was due to a simple disagreement at lunch, over whether a child had chicken nuggets in their freezer at their home, as if any child has x-ray vision super-powers and can see miles away through walls and metal. 

Here’s how it all started…After, a three year old girl noticed that a four year old boy got to eat chicken nuggets for lunch, the child excited to share, said to him, enthusiastically, "I have chicken nuggets, in my freezer at home!" at which time the boy felt the need to play the devil’s advocate and said "No you don’t!" which caused the little girls heart to boil and she retorted with "Yes!" And the boy then said "No."

This continued back and forth for some time until the three year old girl could not take it any longer and she complained to me, with tears in her eyes how devastated she was that the boy would not believe her. This escalated into a conversation about what is in our freezers at home and how would we be able to even know what another child had unless we went to their home and emptied their freezer. Which we are not invited to do.  Kids sure do seem to love to argue while witnessing another child’s anguish. It’s somehow satisfying for them to see the other suffer-why is that? 

Another observation- Kids seem to eat chicken nuggets more than any other meat. That can’t be good.

Oh yes, of course we had more than two tantrums similar to this one, this week-And really, over such mundane things that are simply not even worth mentioning. Although in the child’s world, at that very moment in the middle of their pain, it is absolutely the end of the world. The development of the brain is a remarkably perplexing and complex organ. It processes so differently without experience, wisdom and age. I think kids are emotional infants until about the age of seven. Perhaps even some adults remain so.

Profound Thought:

Kids have an obsession with tattoos: The fake ones even now come in Valentine Cards-Yippee! Several of my little girls are more ‘into,’ them than even the boys. I actually had to take a step back before reacting, when one of the girls came to school one morning with a gigantic tattoo of a slithering snake placed directly in the middle of her forehead. This took attention away from the large butterfly tattoo located near her belly button and the numerous smattering of various hearts and ladybug tattoos that aligned her arm and left leg. 

Makes me wonder, if the perspective of the next generation of adults will be that a person without a tattoo is…taboo? Yikes.

Funniest thing said recently:

A four year old boy, in response to our weekly theme My Heart Belongs To… said, "My mommy is nice to me all the time, but we bought the wrong sister."

Hysterical.

Monkey Business

"Too Much Monkey Business"

Does anyone remember Chuck Berry? Do you recall the song Too Much Monkey Business? I am listening to it right now on my record player. Am I possibly the only one left on this planet who still owns a record player? Possibly. Will the next generation even know what that is? Of course not, record players are practically obsolete.

The reason I bring up the song is because the song has the same tone of every day I spend at the Preschool; Continually fast paced with something dramatic always going on. Ironically, recently I had a three year old who had been responding to any request I would make by saying “Okay Little Monkey.”  

How cute is that. I laugh every time of course. I am not the only monkey at my school, in fact I am surrounded by little monkeys.

Here’s how I would alter the lyrics to Chuck Berry’s song “Monkey Business,” to fit my daily routine as a teacher of little monkeys…First part is the original lyrics and they apply, so no need to change them-

  Too much monkey business, for me to be involved in

  Same thing every day, getting up, going to school

  No need for me to complain, my objections over ruled.

“ Workin’ the preschool class - too many kids

  Wipe their noses, watch their manners

  See them fall, get hurt… run too fast.

  Too much monkey business

  Too much monkey business

  Too much monkey business

 That’s what I choose to be involved in.”

Aside from the past week being as crazy as the last, having moments of exhilarating highs, emotional tantrums, explosions and dramatic expressions that could supersede an Oscar, I must say it is entertaining, to say the least. If you are someone who bores easily or disparately need drama in your life to feel alive, become a preschool teacher, you will not be disappointed.

It's Nice To Be Nice

Last night, ironically, although I cannot remember what site, while browsing online I had read one of the simplest quotes to tell a child to help them in life and I’d like to say in addition that this quote is also one that adults should listen to as well? It’s so simple, yet so profoundly true.

“It’s nice to be nice.”

Exactly. So why is it so difficult for so many I wonder.

It was late in the afternoon and I had one child left at my center, granted I was exhausted, but nothing more than usual, and this child and I sat down next to one another to color. This sweet, innocent little cutie pie touches my shoulder and with a concerned look, says to me, “Wow…your eyes are old.”

And okay, naturally I laughed and maybe even slightly coughed, out of surprise to her statement as I thought, did she say “Old?”

What in the world possessed this seemingly respectful girl to say such an unflattering, blunt comment? I’ll tell you what. It was her, as I like to call it Kiddism Degree. All children have one. They earned it at birth. They achieved it by receiving laughter and praise from all of the fawning adults in their life who decided that everything that child said was funny. Their degree allows them to say whatever, as long as adults laugh, until school begins or if they have very conscious parenting in the household and their parents, play the teacher role, at which time they learn how not cute and how not appropriate certain things are to say to certain individuals. I guess that’s my job and what I signed up to teach. Oh fun.

This is the part of being a teacher that isn’t as pleasant as being the lovable aunt or uncle who just gets to enjoy a child without having to instill some valuable lesson with every conversation. I know, because I am an Aunt also. And when I play Aunt to my nieces and nephew I do not play the teacher role. It’s a relief. The Aunt job description is so lackadaisical, it’s awesome. Can you believe I am considered the wild, fun Aunt? I suppose I am considered that as a teacher in some ways too, but not always, that’s the difference, because to be a healthy role model and instill values, ethics, morals and prepare a child for the future requires having to not only explain why things are acceptable and why they are not and having to demonstrate ways to speak and listen, the importance of sharing, showing remorse, being respectful, caring, responsible and patient, but also having to behave as the adult.

I must also share what happened earlier in the day:

A very small three year old came to school wearing the cutest apparel; overalls with a belt and the shirt underneath was one of those full body tops that babies wear-where it has three buttons at the crotch. Yay for me, I knew what I would be doing every time that child had to pee.

Say no to belts, overalls and under garments that button at the crotch, people. I understand that these outfits are so cute and just so dang adorable. Resist. Why they were ever invented for young children is beyond me. It just makes them less self sufficient and adds more responsibility to the adult. The only reason we buy these outfits is merely because we like how our child looks in them-They are purely a fashion statement and are absolutely impractical and should be outlawed. 

Thank you to all of those conscious parents who at least resist sending their child in such clothing to school. Honestly only clothing that is, not only alright to get messy in, but easy for a child to remove themselves, is appropriate at school. A child does not need an abundance of accessories at the preschool age anyhow, do they?

Even if a child is very capable of undressing and dressing themselves to go potty, most are not as capable at school, because there are more than just a few kids so there are time constraints. And in the school environment they are so preoccupied and busy at play or following a structured routine whereby they end up either waiting until the last minute to go, not wanting to miss out or they are having to rush because there are other children in line waiting their turn to use the bathroom.

Here’s what to send your child in:

Leggings and T-shirts for girls and elastic wasted pants and t-shirts for boys. Shocking, but I’m not conducting a preschool beauty pageant here.

Question:

Does the typical lunch able have any nutritional value whatsoever? What is in it really? Have you ever read the ingredients for what are in theses products? Go ahead, I’ll be surprised if you can pronounce any of them, because most are completely unrecognizable. That should be a hint that it is more than likely indigestible. Even kids won’t eat the processed orange cheese cubes that come in the snack packs.

Okay, I have said my peace.